My First Love Story

“Freedom and love go together. Love is not a reaction. If I love you because you love me, that is mere trade, a thing to be bought in the market; it is not love. To love is not to ask anything in return, not even to feel that you are giving something- and it is only such love that can know freedom.”

– J. Krishnamurti

Three years back, I fell in love with a girl and rose in life. She was beautiful, and her voice was honey. To look in her eyes was to witness the glory of God. The way she talked and walked, everything was perfect, at least in my eyes. I admired her creativity. She was an artist. Her most significant contribution to my life is that she gave me the art of expression.

Her presence was angelic, and I behaved like an alcoholic in front of her. I was mad at her love. My love was selfless but not wholly. I never thought about getting anything from her except her love. That was my mistake.

I seek her love. I thought she must have loved me the way I loved her. It was trading, not love. It took a year to understand the simple truth that I had no control over her. She’s a different person. I can love her. That’s my choice, but I can’t force her to love me.

Good or bad, whatever I’m, that’s because of her. She crafted me with her love in her way. She taught me the true purpose of life. She helped me to cleanse my spirit.

My intention here is not to admire her or praise myself. I want to tell you this story because it has excellent learning. I learned that the hard way.

I was happy, and one day she left me without saying anything; no meeting, no phone call, no message. She disappeared into nowhere.

Her death broke me from the inside. I was helpless and hopeless. I could’ve never imagined my life without her.

I was living for her, and she was no more with me. The dreams and hopes of my life shattered in a day like castles made up of matches box. You can’t imagine the pain of losing someone who is your life. In a moment, everything vanished from my life. No plans, no desires. I became a stone: no emotions, no feelings, no action, no reaction.

No one knew what had happened to me. Everyone looked at a bright student who always came with flying colors. Now he was no more. He has lost his voice and choice.

His parents rebuked him; he was silent. His relatives insulted him; he was silent. His teachers tried their best to help him, but he was speechless.

The psychologist, the medicine, everything failed. He has lost the will to live. But my dear friend, this is the comedy of life, you can’t die with someone, and you can’t invite death for yourself at your will. You’ve to bear the pain of tragedy.

You’ve to find meaning in life. You’ve to create a purpose for yourself to continue your journey in life.

One day she came to my vision. I’m sure it was an illusion.

She said…

…You loved my body. If you’ve loved me, you could’ve understood this simple truth that I’m always with you…

You loved me when I was alive but you broke my heart after I left this world.

I cried for hours. In two sentences, the angel explained to me the truth of love. I was selfish. I was fascinated with her, but it was not true love.

Yes, my friend, I was selfish. I was thinking only about my love story and nothing else. In my tears, the whole selfishness washed away.

I came back to life with a force that I never had. People were curious to know what changed me in a single day. It was not knowledge but an understanding.

She was my teacher. She taught me the lessons of love, and I tried my best to learn that with humility. Her selfless love turned me from an emotionless stone to a beautiful flower that never stops spreading its fragrance.

The minute I heard my first love story, I started looking for you, not knowing how blind that was. Lovers don’t finally meet somewhere, they’re in each other all along.

– Rumi



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