For a long time, I wanted to have a good answer whenever someone asked, “What are you doing?”
Successful.
Financially secure.
Certain about what I was doing.
I carried that question for years.
I don’t carry it in the same way anymore.
I still want to earn.
I still want to build.
I still want to become financially independent.
But I know now that money cannot be the whole purpose of my life.
Neither can status.
Neither can proving that I am good enough.
I want to do work that is useful.
I want that work to support my life.
And I want to remain present for the life I am building.
Writing has helped me understand this.
I write every day.
Some of it stays private. Some of it may never be read.
That is all right.
Writing gives me a place to see what I am carrying.
Sometimes I find that I can put something down.
Fear of criticism.
The pressure to arrive quickly.
The need to prove myself.
The belief that being late means being lost.
I am learning to leave these things behind.
I don’t know exactly what comes next.
But I know what I want to keep.
My mornings.
My health.
The people I love.
My work.
The freedom to begin again.
I still have much to figure out.
I need to earn.
I need to build.
I need to make better decisions.
But I don’t want to rush my life to prove that it is working.
I would rather move slowly and remain present for the next morning.
So I wake up.
I walk.
I practice.
I write.
I work.
I let go.
And I begin again.
I don’t know exactly what is coming.
But I am here for it.
Photographed by Shabi Singh
Written by Aniruddha Singh
ansiandyou® — A quiet place for attentive living.